Don’t Let Wrap Rage Ruin Your Christmas

I thought it was just me, that cursed and swore every time I had to open one of those hard plastic enclosed items you just brought home (they call it wrap rage). You know the ones I mean. Where you need to grab the pruning shears from the shed, get them sharpened, get some lucky family member to firmly hold the package, and then start carefully cutting along the edge of the plastic, hoping you don’t sever a vital part of your new purchase or the lucky family member.

They even have a name for this kind of packaging . . . a “clamshell case”. The name doesn’t sound nearly as obnoxious as the packaging is in real life. Clamshell actually evokes in me images of the beach, a little seaside restaurant, and an appetizer I might enjoy while downing a beer as the sun goes down. Nothing could be more remotely different in the real world. Chock one up for the marketing guy who named this little piece of packaging.

I never really complained about them before, as I just blindly assumed there was good reason why they existed. I was sure it had something to do with protecting the precious cargo in transit like a baby in the womb. Better than 3 or 4 inches of bubble wrap, and much more environmentally friendly I assumed. I also assumed the retail shops liked them because they cut down on theft. I reasoned, that the stores thought it would be much more obvious to sneak out a $15 pair of ear-bud headphones, if they were in a package that was the size of a four slice toaster. They could be right. Or maybe it’s just that the would be thief decided it was too much of a pain in the butt to open the things up once you got them home, and instead ordered a pair in a plain brown paper bag off eBay.

But, today, I found out I wasn’t alone in my suffering. Apparently Amazon has started a crusade against the evil packaging companies. And not just the clam-shell cases. There’s also those ridiculously twisted twist tie crazed packaging of little girls dolls and other childrens toys. I always figured the twist ties were actually a bonus puzzle enclosed with the toy. Especially since I seemed to spend more time getting the darned things un-twisted then my kids ever spent playing with the toys. Silly, naive me!

Now, Amazon has come up with something call “frustration free” packaging. Not nearly as imagery pleasing as clamshell for this beach bums brain, but in theory should allow me more time for clams and beer after the unwrapping is all done. Thank goodness. They’ve even put together a video of two parents unwrapping a very cute pirate ship. One with lots of twist ties, and another with their new “frustration free” wrapping. Guess which one gets to play with their pirate ship first? It’s a truly riveting contest, right now to the end. Ya really gotta watch it.

I’m just happy to know, that their is a cure for wrap-rage within my lifetime. One horrible disease soon to be brought to it’s knees by denizens of online shoppers and the power of the internet. Cheers to Amazon! Who knows what next injustice they’ll solve next? I’m betting on either cancer or the glut of reality dance shows spamming my television as of late. Either one would be welcome in my books.