I have a confession to make. I’m a narcissist. Big surprise huh? Actually we all are to some degree. According to Freud, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Supposedly, a little bit of it is good for your sense of self and some decent self esteem. Makes sense. A total absence of any any narcissistic tendencies, and you’d end up being a doormat for everyone else’s wants and desires. You’d never be able to say no to anything anyone asked of you, and you’d end up being a basket case. That’s not really a problem for me. I tend to swing more the other way. So, maybe narcissistic behavior is not totally evil?
I do come by it honestly though. I get it from my mother. It’s always the mother’s fault isn’t it? Seriously though, I recognized it in her long before I saw it in myself. As I get older though, and a little more introspective, I’ve caught myself behaving in somewhat more selfish ways. Little stuff at first. Take casual conversation for example. Just making idle chit chat with friends and colleagues, I find myself always twisting the conversation back to being about me. It’s natural to always input a little of yourself into any conversation, that’s part of the reason for talking with others. To understand a different perspective. But, when the bulk of the conservation seems to center back to one person, you have to wonder if things have become a little one sided.
I try to be more aware of it these days, and make it a point to give others the opportunity to discuss their views and feelings. Simply by asking them what they think, is a good way to keep the conversation more balanced. But, I’ve decided it’s not always necessary to fight human nature. If I’m a little self centered, then why not use that to my advantage. Especially if it helps me with my somewhat struggling business. And in the process, maybe give something of use to others. Not very narcissistic I know, but I’m working on it.
A narcissist should have no problem be introspective, and I’ve decided lately, that’s what I need to do to help my business survive. I’m a lone wolf operation for the most part. Trying to make a living online. It hasn’t been easy as of late, as I’ve had plenty of failures land on my doorstep. Which is ok, as the saying goes, “if your not failing, your not trying”. The problem is so many failures seemed to have battered my self confidence into a bit of a bloody pulp. Which is hard for me to admit, as being confident has rarely been a problem for me. I can only think of one other time in my life when it was. In that case perseverance eventually won the day, but this seems worse.
A lack of confidence can lead to a paralyzing fear of action. Being afraid to take the next step no matter how easy that step is can be debilitating. My plan at the moment, is to write as much about myself (narcissistic enough for ya?) in a honest analyzing way, to break out of this paralysis. Honesty is key here. With myself, and about myself. It seems to be working, and the more I do it, the more avenues it seems to open. One tidbit of article worthy introspective discussion seems to lead to the next.
My goal here, is to not only get out of my funk, but to build upon that and head down the path towards self improvement. There are a number of areas I’d like to work through, so there should be not shortage of material. I have plenty of goals that need to be met. Wish me luck, and hope this has been of help to someone else.